Nonconformist

I'm a square peg.  I don't fit in.  I've known this for a long time...but as I get older, almost every social situation reminds me I'm a nonconformist.

I guess it's a good thing I'm comfortable with different.  And I'm certain it's a good thing I'm (mostly) non-confrontational.  Otherwise, all social interactions would end in some sort of debate.  I'm not the argumentative type...but I'm a thinker and I have a thing for reason.  So when people say things to me that don't make sense, I ask questions.  I ask questions because I want to understand.  Also, I'm -SP (Myers-Briggs) so I know there are many viewpoints.  I am stuck inside my head and can only think of so many.  If you see the world differently, I want to see it from your lens.

I think I could make a list of 100 nonconforming viewpoints...but that would be one very long (and possibly quite boring) blog post. Instead, I'll share what seems to be the 3 most controversial.

1.  I do not drink.  I have my reasons...several of them actually.  It doesn't taste good.  None of it.  I've tried a lot of drinks, I haven't found anything I like.  (The "let's find a drink Milissa likes" game used to be a favorite at social events.)  I can usually tolerate a drink for a few sips...maybe even half a drink...then whatever it is becomes unbearable and makes me gag.  A few years ago, I finally stopped trying to fit in by socially drinking (or pretending to.)  I don't understand the point.  Unless you are trying to get wasted...what is the point?  I like to be in absolute full control of my faculties.  I do not like what alcohol can do to you. Do you know or have you ever known an alcoholic?  I do.  I'm not saying everyone that drinks will become an addict...what I am saying is I never want to be one.  With all that being said, I'm no party-pooper.  I promise you...I know how to have fun and I don't need a drink in my hand to do it.  I won't stop you from having your fun.  And you know what's so great about being a grown up?  Unless we are married, you do not have to justify any of your choices to me. (That last statement does not mean I dictate what my husband's drinking habits should be. He is a social drinker and I'm okay with that. That statement speaks to the weird thing that always seems to happen when drinkers find out I'm a nondrinker...they feel the need to justify their drinking to me.) I promise, I will not make you feel weird or uncomfortable about your drink.

2.  I'm a woman in my mid-30s without children or a ticking biological clock.  At this point, I have chosen not to have children...and it is highly unlikely I will change my mind.  This does not make me less of a woman or some weirdo child-hating person. There are a few kiddos in my life and I LOVE them fiercely.  I think kids are cute, funny, perceptive, and fun.  Kids often teach adults all about what's really important. Also, I've noticed I am usually the most forgiving person at a public venue when kids are misbehaving.  Hey...sometimes I want to throw a temper tantrum too. It just isn't acceptable for me anymore.  If you're 4 and having a bad day...have at it. Kids are just little people...and they do not have the same reasoning or coping skills as adults. I'm not saying I condone kids throwing a fit, but I can easily forgive them.  Life is disappointing and hard for them too...and they only have the coping skills of a kid. It's misbehaving adults that I have little tolerance for.

Raising kids is the hardest job on the planet.  The real job does not look like a Norman Rockwell painting.  Nothing prepares you for it and there are no guarantees.  There are no guarantees that you will have a healthy kid, a smart kid, a mentally stable kid, or a kid that grows up to become an independent and productive member of society.  You can be the absolute best parent in the world and have a kid that chooses drugs and/or crime.

Now...all of this does not mean I won't have kiddos in my life.  But I do not think my worth as a woman is defined by procreating.  There are lots of children already on this planet that need a family.  If I decide I want to be a parent, I want to parent one of those kids.  Have you seen Martian Child?  There's a really awesome line in that movie "I don't want to bring another kid into this world, but how do you argue against loving one that's already here?"  That's how I feel.


3.  I don't believe in religion.  More specifically, I'm atheist.  Sometimes, I wish I was religious...I think that would make my life easier in some ways...but religion just doesn't work for me.  I was raised Catholic in the bible belt.  This means I was exposed to a lot of religion as a kid.  There were no traumatic experiences that made me quit believing.  Just reason.  A lot of things about religion do not make sense to me...and the more I studied it, the less it made sense.  It took a long time for me to admit I am a non-believer...but when I finally did, it was liberating.

Busy

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100

100 random facts about me. Enjoy.

1. I like that my name is not spelled traditionally...I like the -i.

2. I'm on a water kick. Aside from an occasional cup of coffee in the morning, I've only had water to drink since March 2010.

3. The first song I remember "dancing to" as a little kid was Stand Back by Stevie Nicks. I still jam to that song today because it reminds me of being little and care free.

4. My favorite book of all time is Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.

5. Ayn Rand is my philosophical hero.

6. I'm not a vegetarian but I could be, without much effort. I just don't like meat much, but I try to eat it because I know I need protein.

7. I could live without a TV.

8. I love movie theater popcorn. You can convince me to see just about anything if you bribe me with popcorn. (If it's a bad movie, you might hear about it later...but as long as I have popcorn, I'll keep quiet during the movie.)

9. Speaking of movies...I LOVE happily ever afters.

10. I rock...literally...side to side. Apparently I developed this habit as an infant. Nobody knows why. And I have no desire to stop.

11. Speaking of rocking, I also LOVE all furniture that rocks or swings. Rocking chair. Rocking recliner. Porch swing. I will fight you for those seats. :)

12. My favorite scent is cold air (yes, it does have a smell) and fireplaces burning.

13. I love Christmas decorations.  I drink out of my Christmas mugs all year.

14. My brother is the funniest person I know. I am so grateful for our relationship.

15. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I'm so jealous of those folks that knew their life's purpose at age 3.

16. My recurring nightmare is that something bad happens to my teeth. They are loose and I can't find a dentist. I lose them all, again, no dentist. There is something stuck in my teeth and I can't get it out. You get the picture. In my waking life, I am OCD about my teeth. The first thing I do when I wake up is brush my teeth. I brush and rinse several times a day. I floss just about every day. And if I wake up but it's not really time to get up, I have to brush my teeth before lying back down. Obviously, I'm hoping to keep these teeth forever.

17. Doctor Radio is my new favorite station on Sirius/XM.

18. I love the way young kids think. Age 4ish. They are so creative, persistent, and awesome little negotiators. I think the world would be a better place if we'd let them solve our problems.

19. I love to look at homes. I wish I was a better interior decorator.

20. I am fascinated with how people think.

21. I like to cook for others.

22. I forget to take pictures. I always take the camera...but I forget to use it.

23. I am afraid of fireworks. I do not like July 4th celebrations. :(

24. I am technologically clueless. And I don't care enough about it to want to learn more.

25. I have a love/hate relationship with politics. These days, it's mostly hate.

26. I was in an accident once with a parked firetruck. The firetruck was parked with its lights and sirens on when I hit it. The police officer that came to write the ticket fell down and broke his ankle in front of my car. So it looked like I hit the police officer. Then the band walked by as they practiced. Yes the story just keeps getting better. I can't make this stuff up...

27. My favorite toy was a Cabbage Patch Kid. I loved how they all came with adoption certificates. (Maybe that's why I've always been fascinated with adoption.)

28. My favorite summer camp activity was box hockey.

29. If you are familiar with MBIT...I'm an E/ISTP.

30. I once studied air traffic control. It wasn't meant to be.

31. My favorite cereal is Ohs!

32. I had LASIK in December 2005. I am grateful for my now near-perfect vision.

33. I need my sleep. Seriously. I plan for at least 8 hours of sleep at night. Make fun of me, but I bet I'm better rested than you. I do not subscribe to the belief that sleep is a luxury.  It is a choice one makes to be at their best. It's important to me.

34. I'm addicted to make-up and skin care. Which is ridiculous because my make-up routine is minimalist.

35. I'm a homebody. I remember a time where I was more social...but these days, when the work day is over or on the weekends, I prefer to stay home. And if the weather is reasonable, just sit outside on the swing.

36. I am comfortable hanging out with myself. For example, if I want to see a movie, I don't have to go with someone. I'm perfectly comfortable going to things that interest me solo. Sometimes, I prefer it.

37. I remember my dreams just about every night. People tell me this is odd, so I might start a dream journal.

38. I wish I was more disciplined.

39. I like to organize. It calms me.

40. I'm a procrastinator.

41. The older I get, the less I like to fly.

42. One of my favorite (very infrequent) splurges is for a facial.

43. I grew up in Memphis. That makes me a BBQ snob. My dad makes the best BBQ ever...I don't even order it anymore...no point in being disappointed.

44. I was born in Buffalo and most of my extended family still lives there. That makes me a Buffalo wings snob. I know the original wings recipe. And that one is still the best wings recipe out there.

45. I hate summer. Hot weather drains my energy.

46. There are only 2 redeeming things about summer: 1. my birthday and 2. watermelon.

47. I heart birthdays. I don't understand people that want to ignore their national holiday.

48. One day, I hope to run a marathon. It's a BIG goal and it's still a ways off...but I'm working on it.

49. I love to hang out in pajamas. They are my most comfy clothes. :)

50. My favorite fitness class is Body Combat.

51. Group projects stress me out.

52. I'm good at giving advice...many people have told me I should become a psychologist.

53. I actually would be interested in that if I didn't have to return to school...or I could guarantee a good "return on my investment." Sadly, I know that's not the case.

54. I do not like to shop for clothes. (that is why I always need to go clothes shopping...blah.)

55. I like to root for the "underdog." (Unless it's the Dallas Cowboys or Duke basketball...sorry...just can't root for those teams at all.)

56. My favorite day of the week is Sunday. Followed by Monday...my least favorite day of the week.

57. I forgive others easier than I forgive myself. I do not know how to cut myself slack.

58. I used to LOVE roller skating. Sometimes I wonder if I would still love it. Is it dorky to go skating as an adult?

59. I do not like black pepper.

60. I am fascinated with the origin of names and how people choose names.

61. I love to hear stories about family traditions.

62. I do not know what it's like to live in the same town as my extended family. Or any family anymore.

63. I think my husband is extremely handsome. Especially when he wears blue.

64. The -P from ESTP means I'm indecisive. About everything from the trivial (like picking a shampoo - I find that hard because there are too many choices) to big, important decisions. I don't like to make mistakes, I know there are multiple ways to do something, and I'm worried about the permanency of my decisions. Therefore, I sometimes procrastinate decision-making.

65. I like it very cold in the house when I'm sleeping. I freeze my husband out.

66. I eat a grapefruit every day.  Most days I also eat an orange and a banana.

67. I'm a worrier. Pretty much everything gives me cause for worry. I don't know how to let it go.

68. I LOVE to read.

69. I want to grow a garden. I'm not sure I have the talent, but I'm hoping to try next year.

70. I would be more interested in traveling (overseas) if that didn't require a long plane ride and everyone spoke English (or I spoke other languages.)

71. I prefer trucks to cars. I especially dislike small cars and sports cars.

72. I drive the speed limit.

73. I LOVE Fall back. Spring forward, not so much.

74. I have trouble imagining things. Didn't get that gene. That is why I am not interested in "fixer uppers." I need things to be "move-in ready."

75. My dog is indoor (paper) trained. We did not plan for that but when he was a puppy he absolutely would not do his business outside...he was so tiny and afraid of everything. My life is easier because he is indoor trained.

76. This year marks my 13th year in Virginia. I have just started to call Virginia home.

77. I love the Post Secret books.

78. I could eat some combination of soup/sandwich/salad for every meal (lunch/dinner) and be perfectly happy.

79. I wash my linens every Sunday.

80. I heart the Sunday paper.

81. I wish MTV & VH1 still played music! Stupid reality shows.

82. I don't know how to read poetry. I once bought Jewel's poetry book because I love a lot of her music...but I just don't get the rhythm/cadence of it. I wish someone who loved poetry would read it to me so I could get it.

83. I love rain and gray, cool days.

84. When I was younger, I thought most things were black and white. Now I realize so much of life is some shade of gray. I also know in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years...my perspective may change. Sometimes it's really interesting to me to think about how my views have evolved. My 19 year old self "knew it all" and never even considered the possibility of failure. Most of the time I appreciate that I've outgrown that girl; but sometimes, I wish I was still a little more of that girl...at least the part about believing I would succeed at everything I attempted.

85. I think...it doesn't matter what path in life you choose...at some point, many people will ask "Is this really it?" and struggle with purpose. I'm amazed at how many different people I've talked to who contemplate the same questions. The fact that lots of people ponder the universe is somewhat comforting to me.

86. We do not wear shoes in our home. (Don't worry, we don't ask guests to remove their shoes...so if you come over and want to wear your shoes, it's okay.)

87. When I was a courier at FedEx, my route number was 087. I am now partial to the number 87.

88. I am totally grossed out by saliva. Eeewww. I hate to see people spit, drool, or brush their teeth. My mother says I didn't like it as a baby either...she says I was "drool-less." The good news is, it doesn't make me gag anymore like it did when I was a kid.

89. I am not a tattoo fan. I know a lot of people are...and that's okay...for them. Just don't expect me to ever get inked.

90. I prefer salt over sugar. You would be amazed at the discipline I have when it comes to desserts. Chocolate? Depends on the day...most days I can take it or leave it. Popcorn? French fries? Planters Cheese Balls? Yes, Please! (Does Planters even make cheese balls anymore?)

91. I am the product of a happy childhood. :) It saddens me when others tell me stories about how awful their childhood was.

92. I have an unusually small head. I cannot find hats, headbands, earmuffs, etc to fit me unless I buy them in the kid's department. Even glasses are troublesome...the ear pieces are too far apart.

93. I bit my nails from my earliest memories until I was 31 years old. I tried for years to stop and every method I could think of...nothing worked. One day, I just quit. No planning, no method, no thought...I have no idea how/why I was able to stop, but I am so glad it's no longer one of my "bad habits."

94. I love stand up comedy. George Carlin is/was my favorite comedian. I'm sad I never saw him live.

95. If you are familiar with The 5 Love Languages, my primary love language is gifts.

96. I rarely forget birthdays. If I have ever known your birthday, I probably still know it. Even if we have lost touch and I no longer speak to you regularly...even if it's been years since we have communicated. When the calendar marks your birthday, I say a silent "Happy Birthday" to you and wish you the best where ever you are.

97. I have kept a journal since I was 7 or 8 years old. I shred them when they are full.

98. I think weeping willow trees are beautiful.

99. When I sit down, I like to sit "Indian-style." That is actually a consideration when I buy clothes/get dressed in the morning. I know I cannot sit Indian-style in a dress or skirt, so I very rarely wear dresses or skirts.

100. The thing I hope to be most remembered for is kindness.

13 in Twenty Thirteen

1.  After twenty twelve, I appreciate health way more than the average person.  This time last year, my brother was literally fighting for his life.  This year, he is a healthy guy.  In late November and early December, I had my own health scare.  They found "severely abnormal cells" at an appointment for a completely unrelated issue. Accidental find.  I had to have surgery and a biopsy almost immediately.  The cells were called "pre-cancer" and my margins are clear (meaning they "got it all.")  Taking care of and appreciating health (and loved ones!) is a priority.

2.  As much as I DO NOT want to return to work tomorrow (I enjoy my time off!), I am very GRATEFUL to have a job to return to.

3.  I am often capable of more than I give myself credit for.  I will not underestimate myself.

4.  I'm planning to attend a "fun art night" and learn to paint something.

5.  Even though I tested E/I (slightly more E than I) on MBTI (twice actually), I think I'm definitely more of an I.  I am a (happy!) homebody and the number of people I want to share my downtime with is very small.

6.  I hope 2013 is the year I actually check half-marathon off my list.  (Marathon might be too ambitious this year, but you never know...)

7.  Less is more.  I'm fairly minimalist anyways, but I still have things I do not need.  I'll get rid of these things one closet, drawer, room at a time.

8.  More hand written cards and letters.

9.  Pay down this house.  Gazelle intense.

10.  Play the tourist in my own town.  There are so many cool things I've yet to see.

11.  Be kind.  To others.  To myself.

12.  Try something new.  And something else.  And something else.  Until a new hobby is discovered.

13.  Pay attention to the good things.  The happy moments.  Make a list of those moments.  Take mental pictures.  Take real pictures.

*Note 1 & 2...2013 is already better than 2012.  Wishing everyone all the best in 2013!

end of 2011 to end of 2012 - abridged

I'm not sure if the lesson of 2012 is patience or persistence.  Either way, I'd like to shout at the universe "I got it...you can move on now."

October 2011 - I learned that I might lose my job AND my brother has cancer on the very same day.  While all my work colleagues were stressing over what happens next, I was struggling with how best to support my brother...feelings of helplessness and a total lack of control.  Living 13 hours away provided me with an extra dose of helplessness.  My job worry was minuscule.  I'm a smart person and I've had a successful career...I got myself there and if I needed to get myself somewhere else, I knew I could.  I just kept thinking "I can replace a job, I canNOT replace my brother."

November 2011 - We learned my brother's cancer was very advanced.  He needed aggressive surgery and chemotherapy.  The good news (if there is such a thing as good news when it comes to cancer) was he had a cancer that could be cured even at a late stage. Whoo-hoo for that possibility!  The road was long and tough.  I don't wish that journey on anyone.  My brother had awesome support...but ultimately, he had to fight the fight on his own.  That was hard for his loved ones to watch.  On a positive note, I spent Thanksgiving at home.  It was the first time I had been home for Thanksgiving since I moved out of state 11 years before.

December 2011 - I lost my job.  The universe was telling me it was time to move on. Except I was in no position to move on.  There was no way I could focus on job hunting, networking, and prepping for interviews.  My brother experienced some very serious complications with his treatment...and there was a time the physicians did not know "if he would make it through the night." That was the scariest and longest drive home.  On the positive side...my sister-in-law delivered baby number 3. I headed home to a very sick brother and a new nephew.

December 2011/January 2012 - I moved in with my brother and his family.  His support system was amazing!  People coordinated schedules to make sure he was never in the hospital alone.  No matter when he woke up, a warm and friendly familiar face greeted him.  Friends took care of holiday traditions so his kiddos did not miss out.  People cooked and dropped off food.  I hung out with my 3 year old niece and almost 2 year old nephew a lot.  (I couldn't be quite as helpful with the newborn because...well...newborns need their mamas most.  But I don't play favorites, I love my niece and nephews fiercely and that baby got Aunt Missy love too.)  I'm not a parent, but let me tell you...after this experience, I have a whole new respect for parents.  That is the HARDEST JOB EVER.  I have never been so exhausted at the end of every. single. day.  I wouldn't trade that experience for the world...but I'm still trying to figure out why it is that the smallest humans have the most energy. Universe, that is not fair...and it is not funny either.  Oh, and my husband is a saint. As an adult, It's hard to stay with anyone for an extended period of time...moving in with in-laws during a time of extreme stress?  Let's just agree this is probably something nobody ever wants to do.  And because my husband cooks (read:  fed the kids lots of yummy food) and comes up with the most fun games ever, I actually think he might be the favorite...but I guess that's another blog post entirely.

January/February 2012 - My brother finished treatment.  He is doing well these days. He still has some residual issues from the cancer...or mostly from treatment.  It was time for me to go home and figure out my next career move.

February-May 2012 - I worked harder at getting a job than I've ever worked at a job. My resume was good...I got phone calls and interviews for every job I put in for. Plus some I didn't.  I learned I am smarter than some hiring managers.  I did my homework prior to the interviews. There were times the hiring manager could not answer simple questions about the state of the business.  Never a good sign.  In May, I finally accepted a job I was excited about.

May-June 2012 - Excitement was short lived as I soon discovered I could not live with the company culture.  Let's just say, there are compromises I will not make.  Job hunt re-initiated.

July 2012 - Accepted another position.  I have now been in this role 4 months and I can confidently say, it is the best job/company ever!  I plan to be here forever.  It wasn't easy to get this job.  I went on 17 interviews to find the right fit.  What do you think...persistence or patience?

September 2012 - Serious leg pain.  Woke up in the middle of the night crying.  What could this be? Speculation from 2 separate medical offices...stress fracture.  CanNOT run.  Forced break.  :( The universe has to be kidding me, right?!  Half-marathon and marathon have been on my bucket list forever. 2012 is not the year these will get checked off the list.  Thus far, even with all the drama of 2012, this was my most consistent and best year of training/exercising.  Move the running goals to 2013.  Or consider reevaluating my exercise goals.  Health will always be a priority, but maybe long distance running isn't meant to be.

October 2012 -  I can feel myself losing a level of fitness.  Why is it so hard to build and so easy to lose? Universe...that is another totally unfair truth in this world.  I can't run, but I can find some other way to exercise.  Bought a bike and added it to the home gym.  Who knew cycling was such a great workout (it always felt like cheating before.)  Getting back on track.  Then I make this terrible (not world ending but still disappointing) discovery...I can no longer tolerate dairy.  Boo.  Must learn to eat differently.

November 2012 - I was recently given (more) scary news (completely UNrelated to anything discussed above.)  But the implication of this news hinges on incomplete information.  It might be a couple weeks before I have complete information and know whether or not this news is important and/or meaningful.  At this point, I'm not surprised...I'm not angry...I'm not even annoyed at the unfairness of the world. I find I'm a lot more skeptical and realistic than my younger self...some might even say pessimistic. But I'm not unhappy...and I still live in the land of hope. If you think these terms are contradictory, you should hang out with me. I'll prove to you they can all live together.

I know 2012 was the "best year ever" for some people.  Someone met their soul mate.  Couples fell in love, some got married.  Babies were born, families expanded. Someone met their new best friend or reconnected with a long lost loved one. Someone landed the most awesome job (okay...maybe I can include myself in that one. ;) Someone checked a meaningful goal off their bucket list. I would not say I had the "worst year ever," but it has certainly been a challenging year.

I still have A LOT to be thankful for this holiday season. My loved ones. Our health. My new job.  New beginnings.  And the laws of random, chance, and probability. Because according to those laws, the events of 2012 were due to random, chance, and probability...and chances are, I can expect different events in 2013.  Thank goodness.  (The Drunkard's Walk:  How Randomness Rules Our Lives by:  Leonard Mlodinow)

So sweet, I might just melt

First, I read Sugar Nation.  Then, this article.  Finally, I saw this news story.

All of this "newer" information about the toxicity of sugar makes sense to me.  And while I don't have a strong sweet tooth, I still consume too much added sugar.  It's hard not to consume too much. The food industry adds sugar to almost everything. Someone please explain to me why there is sugar in bread or salsa?  So I am trying to consume less added sugar.  Except thus far, I have failed.  I'm hoping this blog post and proclamation to the world will help keep me accountable.  On my first attempt, (after I read Sugar Nation) I made it a whole 7 days with no sugar and fewer than 25 carbs per day.  On my second attempt, (after the Cardiologist article) I made it 2 days. And on my last attempt, (60 minutes story) I made it like 2 hours. Obviously, reducing added sugar is hard!  And the fact you have cravings, mood swings, headaches, low energy, and feel hungry even though you ate (because your body is craving the sugar so your hunger sensors are working overtime) just PROVES to me this is an addiction and perhaps as hard to kick as nicotine or caffeine or some other addictive substance. I don't believe natural sugars are as toxic. (I mean really...when was the last time you sat down and ate a whole case of oranges? or a bushel of apples? What about a handful of cookies or a piece of candy every time you passed the candy jar? Yeah...I thought so.)  I'm not looking to cut ALL added sugar.  But I am looking at making better choices as frequently as I can.

I do have a couple rules:
1.  Coffee doesn't count.  I usually have 2 cups (regular cups, not jumbo cups...somewhere between 10-16 oz) of coffee/day.  I like my coffee with coconut milk creamer...and sometimes a teaspoon of Ovaltine. Considering a serving of Ovaltine is 2 tablespoons, I'm adding much less sugar than whatever is listed in the nutritional information...but it's still sugar...and I'm not giving this up. (There are multiple studies that show coffee has it's benefits...especially for women...I enjoy coffee and I believe I consume "in moderation" so the coffee stays.)
2.  If I do have a dessert, I will NOT do artifical sweeteners in place of sugar.  I don't trust artifical sweeteners...so if I go there, I'm going for real sugar.

Side note:  A couple years ago, I was addicted to Coca-cola.  On March 1, 2010, I gave up Cokes (and all cola/sugary beverages.)  I haven't had a soda, tea, or juice drink since then.  I drink coffee in the morning, water all day, and sometimes SuperPump before exercise.  Very rarely, I will enjoy a homemade fruit smoothie.  I drink water 95% of the time.  If I can give up Cokes, I know it's possible to reduce my sugar consumption.  Wish me luck.

Source: justhealthfitness.com via Health & Fitness on Pinterest

Hope

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